Thursday, January 18, 2018


I don't know to who I should spill this, so here I am writing this shit feeling..

I can't even confess to my parents because at the end they will only put blame on me. "You got degree of that course, what is so difference with your current job?" " sabarlah" and the list goes on..

The thing is I'm not learning that languange for the whole bloody four years, and you have nothing to say if you want to compare it with my qualification.

It is all on another new level which I didnt expect this ibm thingy will be so much complicated at least for me to deal with. Never once im going to the office without this shitty feeling.

To expect the thing I will deal with is quite similar to what I have go through for my 4 years. That is my first fault. Never assume. Do research.

Getting excited for the first job without thinking whether you will enjoy your job or not. Thats is the second fault.

Oh please.
I just hope that I can escape from that office dealing with that green colour code.

I just want to have a job which i enjoy doing it. Dealing with web based system which surely interactive and fun compare to this thing am dealing with.

If there is one lesson that I should learn from this is to find a job which you enjoy doing it not only for the sake of having a job.

We will see either you will stay @ quit by next month?

Thursday, December 14, 2017


Things were so much different now compared to my studies year.
People change by time I guess.

You didn't manage to get straight A's in any one of your exam besar?
You will get lectures the whole day.
You will be compared to the other children which have the same age as you.
You didn't get to hear your parents say 'it's ok you did try your best'.
They will questioning you like 'they can do it why don't you?'
They will keep blaming you.' Why don't you  study hard before'

And the list goes on.

But in today world, things are changing.
They react oppositely.

You get bad result?
No, you don't have any right to blame her.
They will say ' don't say harsh things. it will keep demotivating her'

How funny is that huh?

I'm living in that 'put all the blame on me' year. And today,when I just try to ask about the result,..they put the blame on me even for asking?. How pathetic.

How bias is that?

Its ok if you want to do it that way.
Lets do it that way and see what she will be growing up.

I will sit here doing nothing and just keep watching­čĺü

Sunday, June 18, 2017

emotional post I guess

I always have this big dream I wish I can do to my family

to be a daughter who can ease the burden of my parent
to tell my dad 'you don't have to work anymore, just rest and do whatever you enjoy doing..I can take care of them '
to simply make them happy in any ways I could do

it just..I don't hit me sometimes

they are getting older
but still at this age I can't contribute much

that feeling.

thinking about how much that our parents have done for us
how much things they have give up just to give the best to us

mixed feeling.